Twitter FAIL!

“Twitter is over capacity. Too many tweets! Please wait a moment and try again.”

I’m reminded of dial-up intertubes and the need to “try again” when over capacity. Welcome back to the stone age!

The Mighty Corsa

Here’s a few facts about corsas that you may or may not know, enjoy

• Body-kits make them look very cool – the angrier looking the better
• Loud exhausts serve additional coolness
• Loud music likewise
• In queues of traffic it is especially cool to play music loud
• If attention is drawn, people will think “Wow, that’s a Corsa, I’ve never seen such a marvel of modern engineering in a vehicular mode of transportation before this day”
• If driven repeatedly around a small section of a small town, everyone will be impressed
• Revving the engine to show off the 1.2l engine gives you bonus points
• You look especially cool if you do this alone

</sarcasm>

Christmas Music…

… makes me want to club baby seals!

I don’t know why I linked these 2 things together, but doing so has made me lose the game.

I think the main reason I loathe it so much is that no-one has created a new Christmas song since about 1972. It’s all the same. Maybe remixed, maybe played on a different instrument, but the same song (and its mostly the original versions).

Please… stop it… you’re making my ears bleed!

P.S. Bah humbug!

SP@G

Ok…

I’m only going to say this once and then hopefully it will stop (see my optimism).

@ is pronounced “AT” not “A”!

It worries me when HMRC can’t even tell the difference and they expect us to give them lots of our money. Apparently “V@T is changing in 2010″ (so says the sticker that has appeared on my deskfan to remind me).

Let this be an end to it…

Driving Lessons: #1 Road Markings

I’ve decided to start a little online driving reference, mainly based on my observations on the shitty creative driving I’ve seen around Loughborough recently. For the first lesson, here is a short guide to the important and often misunderstood road markings around the place.

Yellow Boxes

These boxes are the yellow criss-cross stylee ones. Examples can be found on epinal way roundabout and on ashby road on the lights at the church. Hands up if you know what these mean.

Common misconceptions: These are not parking spaces!

Put simply these mean “Keep Clear”. In other words, if you are queuing and your way is blocked, do not enter the yellow box until there is sufficient room for your car the other side. If you are turning right, you may enter the box provided that your direction of travel is only blocked by oncoming traffic.

Double Yellow Lines

Now then class, some of us learned what these meant when we were in infant school, but it appears that delivery folk, lorry drivers and frequenters of local takeaways and newsagents didn’t go to infant school.

Common misconceptions: Parking permitted when using hazard warning lights only.

They mean do not park. Very simple. Very clear.For those that don’t know what constitutes parking, I’d pretty much go with “stopping for any reason other than the queue of traffic in front of you”. It definitely includes whenever someone or something enters or exits the vehicle or when the engine has been switched off.

In the case of delivery folk, I understand that you have a job to do, but it doesn’t mean that you have different rules to everyone else to do that job. Assassins and Ninjas have jobs to do too, but they’d still can get arrested for murder! In the case of takeaway goers… FUCK YOU!  There is plenty of parking in the side streets not 10m from where you arrogantly, lazily and badly parked your car. Also, if you’re going to the takeaway you could use the exercise.

Dotted White Lines

These are most commonly found at the end of a road where they meet other roads.

Common misconceptions: I’ve been waiting here ages (where ages = anything from 5 seconds to 10 minutes) so if I force my way out someone will let me in.

They mean give way. This means that you have to be patient and wait until one of 2 things happens. Either there is a gap in the traffic that is sufficient to complete your turn without causing inconvenience to other road users or another road user signals that they are relieving their right of way such that you may make your turn more easily. If you are turning right, remember that this is necessary IN BOTH DIRECTIONS!! It’s also usually a good idea to make sure that ALL of your car is behind the line to avoid getting hit by traffic on the road you are turning in to.

It is often dangerous to exit the road when you have not gotten a signal to do so and it is especially dangerous if you decide “he let the one out in front of me I’m going to go as well”. Yes Mr Silver Astra with a “Fuck the System” sticker on your back window I’m talking to YOU! And for reference I didn’t “let the one in front out” either, he was parked across the other lane, so I did it as a courtesy for the traffic going the other way.

Now I know that some junctions are so shyte that they almost encourage this kind of driving, but at the end of the day, if you don’t have right of way, you can’t just assume that the traffic that has right of way will stop for you if you move. This is how a lot of accidents happen. Further to this, those drivers on the main road that believe that queuing bumper to bumper and not letting anyone out of the side streets is a good idea is also an idiot, a bit of couresy goes a long way. I’m not saying I’m always courteous, but I do try occasionally (when I’m not so pissed off with every other driver on the road at least).

Summary

To be fair, I know this post sounds arrogant and I know I’m not a perfect driver, I do make mistakes, but there are still certain things that I never do. Also, I realise Loughborough’s road network sucks greatly simply because it can’t support the populance when the students return, but that still doesn’t excuse some of the appalling and self-centred efforts at driving I’ve been forced to witness lately.

</rant>

Triangle

Mull that word over for a second. Say it in your head. Say it aloud. What do you notice?

You probably notice everyone around you wonder… “why all of a sudden did he/she just say triangle?”

Not a particularly scary word is it? Doesn’t particularly fill you with dread when you hear it. Yet for some reason someone decided to call a horror film “Triangle” !  (It’s actually tri-delta-ngle, but thats a different gripe @ltogether).

Try saying “Triangle” in a scary way, its just not possible. even when said with the utmost aggression in your voice it will only incite laughter around you rather than fear. TRIANGLE. It doesn’t even look scary in capitals.

For those with spotify (and probably dotted elsewhere about the inter-tubes) you may have heard a genericvoiceoverman advertising this film. He says triangle several times, each time seemingly trying a slightly different angle to make it sound scary.

I think they should re-name it to “Isoceles”… thats a much scarier word

Salad cart anyone?

Medical Fail!

A while ago I decided to go to swap myself to the “real peoples” doctors in town after being registered at the med centre on campus for years. Last few days has been my first need to use them.

Apparently in order to make use of this service I have to ring or arrive at 8am!

So this I tried, yesterday. I got up and phoned. Engaged. Phoned. Engaged. Phoned. Engaged. Phoned ENGAGED! Apparently I wasn’t the only person up at 8am. I finally got a ringing tone at about 8.30 and was greeted by a synthetic woman who told me to press 1. I obliged. Ring ring….. ring ring…. ring ring…. and on it went for at least a minute. Decided to hang up as was nearing the time to get ready for work. Dave is also a member of the clinic and apparently the incessant ringing following the synthetic woman is their “queue”. So I tried again, got through first time and waited. Within 10 seconds it was answered and was told no appointments left so try again tomorrow.

Tomorrow (now today) I got up at 8 again. Phoned. Engaged. Phoned. Ringing! Synthetic woman, 1, ring, ring ring ring ring ring ring Ring Ring RING ringringringringringringring (repeat for 5 minutes 47seconds). Different ring, “Hello how can I help”…

Success!

“I’d like to book an appointment please”… “Is it an emergency, it’s emergencies only today”. Arrrrggghhhhh! Epic fail!

I shall try again tomorrow…

Welcome Back Loughborough Students

… and by “Welcome Back” I of course mean “Shut the fuck up at 4am”.

… and to be totally fair I don’t really mean “Loughborough Students” as I’m sure the majority most some a few of them are actually here to do some work and get a degree and not have a drunken orgy, I just mean those that love to shout at the top of their lungs at 4am.

I know “I was there once” and all, but honestly I can’t recall a time when I decided to shout obscenities (or much of anything) at 4am.

I do remember the big sing off and I accept that during freshers week its all intended to get a bit rowdy, so I eagerly await the time when the appeal of being away from Mummy and Daddy gives way to the “awwww, now I have to cook and do laundry”, and from that to “Oh shit I’ve got work to do will everyone be quiet”. At that point I will get Kev to drive me around in his buggy at 4am (-:<

Generally though, I kinda like it when the students come back, adds a bit more variety to the place, theres always something random going on and it has a totally different atmosphere. Just yesterday I was greeted by superheroes in the street handing out softcore porn in the form of a Nic J advert and making bad puns.

I’ve not dared attempt to get a drink at a bar yet though since their inevitable return, when I do I’ll likely be cursing them again (-;